It comes up

Do I tell people I’m gay?

Is it none of their business?

If my Uber riders enter conversation with me they usually wonder what I used to do, why I’m not doing that anymore and it leads to me just stating the facts.  I could be vague.  However, for whatever reason, most of the time I choose to state it this way.  I was a Pastor, I told my wife and church that I’m gay and now i’m divorced and trying to figure out what’s next.

This last week, I picked up two men and a lady.  They were co-workers.  They had been drinking and advised me they needed take several stops.  We dropped off the guy in the back at his house and immediately, the woman summoned the guy in the front to come and sit with her in the back seat.  He stated that he would at the next stop.

We had a good chat as he asked about how Uber works and about different regulation issues he had heard about.  The next stop was their office.  The two of them got out to run up to her office quickly.  As he left the front seat I happened to notice his wedding band.  Ten minutes later the two of them got in the back seat to the next stop.  He sat in the passenger rear and she chose to sit in the middle seat in the back.

The next 20 minutes were very quiet back there.  A lot of whispers and as I glanced at my rear view mirror I wondered what was happening.  He had said he needed to be brought home after we dropped her off.  Was that going to happen?

She exited and he stayed in the back.  We headed to his place. We chatted about our kids, his job as a lawyer and then he asked and I told.  His first question was about my faith.  He wondered how I’m doing?  I gave him an honest answer that my understanding of who Jesus is, what he did, what he means to humanity is all still very important to me.   I mentioned that the most difficult part has been that I’ve not felt part of the church.  That i’m still sorting out some feelings because of how people in the church treat homosexuals.

He asked me how I reconcile what the Bible says about homosexuality.  I stated that it’s a long conversation but for starters biblical authors are referencing things going on that I’m also very much against.  I believe that when these acts were referenced they were despicable because they were brought on by force, coercion or by pagan ritual.   I think anyone who wants to dig seriously into this topic can find evidence for this.  I don’t think Paul was referencing two consenting adults pursuing a same sex relationship with one another.  There is more to interpretation than reading things at face value.  How about when Paul says that women should not speak in church?

We were almost to his place.  It was a pleasant conversation. Upon arrival as he was taking off his seat belt he asked if he could ask me an honest question.  He said, “from your perspective, what do you think you observed between me and my colleague this eve”?   I said that it appeared that she was working you pretty hard to come inside with her to have sex.  He said you’re right but we’re good people and I just wanted to make sure she got home safely.  He said he was a believer too and that he didn’t know how he felt about what we talked about but he would certainly keep me in his thoughts and prayers.  He handed me a $10 tip and was out there door.



3 thoughts on “It comes up

  1. What an interesting story Rob. I like your honesty and your willingness to share something so personal about yourself. I imagine you feel very vulnerable around people and I’m just curious, how do you deal with those who react in any way negatively towards you? Thanks Rob!


    1. Thanks for your comment Ryan and thanks for reading. It can be difficult to have dialog with people on this topic. I experience times when I feel immune to certain remarks. I can sit back and truly believe that I am engaging in a way that is making people think. I see that as a positive thing and know that for many people they do not have any exposure to this conversation. I hope that it makes a difference. Other times I just want to run away. I’d like to live a quiet life and watch the discussion happen around me versus engaging in it myself. I do have a great support system in place as well to help encourage me when all the negative stuff hits.


      1. Thanks Rob. I admire your openness and courage to be so honest about yourself around strangers. I’m barely half your age but I truly respect your attitude regarding these situations. I can imagine there are many times you’d like to be somewhere else and that’s more than reasonable to me. Keep moving forward, I’d love hearing these stories 🙂


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